Hottie Hotterson and the Old Baby Chutes (masshysteria) wrote,
Hottie Hotterson and the Old Baby Chutes

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reflections (look at bernie being deep)

it's so strange. for the first time since i left the damn place, today i miss iup. and i think it's the weather, because this was the time of the year that i actually enjoyed walking around the campus and being outside. and doing things like sitting in big flowerpots. and here at lehigh, i don't know the campus at all, and i see the occasional student sitting outside doing homework, and i just get this weird urge to find a very strange place and just sit there and read (even if the only book i have is ayn rand and i'd much rather rip it to shreds than actually read it).

i've also noticed that this is an incredibly bizarre time of the year for me. the end of winter/beginning of spring, for the last 3 years at least, is the time of year when i'm both incredibly sad and incredibly happy, when i tend to be completely lost and then somehow find myself again, when my life falls apart and i have to put it back together the best i can.

the start of this trend, the best i can pinpoint, is 3 years ago when rashaud decided that we needed to "take a break" or whatever and stopped talking to me for 2 months, which nearly killed me (pretty much literally). that sent me into a downward spiral which i actually came out of much better because that's when i found my dirty hippie side and started joining every organization at iup and sitting in flowerpots with celeste.

the next year, the best i can remember, had no major catastrophes, except that it was around this time of year that rashaud and i had considerable arguments over his parents not thinking i was good enough, which had me in tears a lot because... well, having your fiance tell you that his parents don't like you and it's all your fault isn't something that's fun to hear. however, this was, i recall, the same time that i had an ian staying with me for 2 weeks, which is one of my fondest memories from that year (or maybe even my entire college career), because ian and i did almost nothing but eat and watch bad television (like staying up until 4 am to watch boy meets world and 3rd rock from the sun), and that was the time of the crazy bread night.

and last year... well, if people who are reading this don't know that rashaud and i broke up last year at pretty much this time, then you're just really slow. and yet i made it through the rest of my semester and ended up having many crazy fun times. so maybe the spring equinox really just hates me, and it is, in fact, not a coincidence that i broke up with 2 boyfriends on the same date 2 years in a row.

and yet, right now i'm feeling ok, good even. the weather is beautiful, i just took the last midterm of my grad school career (well, unless i decide to go back eventually, which is quite probable... but for now, it's the last one) and it went well, i've been doing well in my quest to eat healthy, i had an awesome weekend with nadine last weekend with lots of zombie weekends and some john eddie, and i feel right now like i generally have my life under control, which is something that is rare for me. so yay.

however, i am freakin exhausted now even though it's only 9, so i don't know what i'm going to do about that... it's not bedtime, but i'm certainly not being functional anymore tonight. maybe some reading or law and order :)
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